GRINCHES AT MACY’S

(who’re not clear on the concept)


An elderly local gentleman, in San Francisco, has played the role of Santa at Macy’s for the past twenty years, becoming a well-loved tradition in his own right.


If ever there has been a more perfect model for a department store Santa, one would be hard pressed to find one to match him. His natural girth, snow-white hair and beard are all real, not padding and made up facial hair. Combined with his impish sense of humor and incredible gentleness with small children, drawing them in and comforting those somewhat uncertain, if not fearful, of being placed on his lap, as well as his jovial mirth with adults, personified everyone’s imagined idea of what Santa might really be like. A worthy scion of St. Nicholas,  the patron saint of all small children in the world, and, the “real” ancestor of Santa Claus as we know him.


Occasionally, of course, all of that has drawn grown-ups to also join in the fun, sit in his lap, and play-act with him, in the spirit of the occasion. Okay, Okay, this is San Francisco, so why should anyone raise an eyebrow about adults sitting on an old guy’s knees, and giggling like kids at his slightly bawdy, barely naughty jokes with them? Jokes that even my late prim and proper Victorian grand-dame grandmother would have smiled at.


Alas, a few days ago, a Macy’s HR manager caved in to today’s nonsensical politically correct world, when a couple which had just sat on his knees that way, took offence at his jokes, and complained, demanding his immediate dismissal.  We’ve come to expect these kinds of idiots, whose motives for taking offence at almost anything, no matter how trivial, are perhaps less than pure. But, not to find such a limp linguini handling of that kind of  situation by Macy’s. Thus, after twenty years, one of its most beloved and crowd-drawing and pleasing Santas was summarily dumped. What gutless gaucherie!


Even so, the last laugh may be on Macy’s, because Santa is now regally ensconced  in one of San Francisco’s most well known local Union Square joints (not a latter-day New York import), named after famed baseball hero – Lefty O’Doul – A place with great cafeteria style eats, friendly bar tenders, not pretentious “mixologists”, a piano bar alcove for singalong’s, and for sports aficionados, a continuous TV display of almost any kind of sports event. A more convivial and happy place for our displaced Santa, and anyone else besides, to enjoy the holidays, would be hard to find. Bravo, Lefty O’Doul’s!


Which is too bad for all those little kinder who now have to settle for an ersatz substitute, rather than the “real” one they have come to expect. Sorry, Virginia, apparently Macy’s prefers to please dumb-ass grinches who’re not clear on the concept, instead.


Well, should Macy’s try to redeem itself by asking our Santa to please come back to it, let’s hope his sense of humor will give them this naughty response:


SANTA:  Thanks, but, can you tell me why there’s a little angel on top of your tree?


MACY’S: Sorry, we don’t understand….


SANTA: Well, Santa was kind of grumpy because of the way you dumped him, so, when that little angel came by, dragging along your freshly cut tree, and asked….Hey, Santa, where do you want me to put this tree? 


Guess what Santa’s answer was?


HO! HO! HO!


CENTURION