VIVA CUBA LIBRE MR. PRESIDENT…MORE OR LESS…
(and while loading up on cigars…don’t forget our missing cruise missile stashed there)

Our President is off to Havana for an official state visit to Cuba, the first and only one to do so since Calvin Coolidge. Time does indeed go by.

It’s about time we got back to having more or less “normal” relations with a neighbor less than 100 miles from Miami. Besides, Cuba has a lot to offer, besides hotshot baseball players, real black and strong coffee, some very serious rum, good cigars, and, Cuban girls who, when it comes to dancing the rumba or otherwise, swing and sway in a most delightful way…which is probably where we got the expression… Viva Cuba Libre!

Of course, just because we’ve exchanged embassies with them, and both our consular bureaucracies and theirs are now cranking up to handle larger flows of visitors to and from there, it will still be a while before Miami and Havana become “sister” cities…or before any of us mere mortals will be allowed to light up a good Cuban cigar (unless you’re a federal, of course, ’cause when you’re a federal, you can live high wide and regal…’cause when you’re a federal…there ain’t nothing illegal…just ask the Secret Service).

Despite such welcomed evidence of expanding “détente” between the US and Cuba, there’s over fifty years of antipathies to overcome, so it will probably take almost the same amount of time before everyone still remembering the…bad old days…will have passed from the scene.

In the meantime, if we could float a line of credit from the Donald, enough to buy and outfit an old tramp cargo ship with a complete high end machine shop, car body and paint shop, high end upholstery and chrome works, we’d sail it to Havana, park it there for six months, and begin buying up and restoring into mint condition, every vintage 1950’s era vehicle we could get our hands on. Of course, we’d hire all the skilled local hands there to do that work, paying them decent wages in good Yankee dollars, thereby boosting their economy, and otherwise having a grand old time while there. With a full cargo of such restored vintage cars in the holds, we’d then sail that ship right back to America…to hold a humongous vintage car auction for every last one of these, then…sell off the ship, and all its equipment to anyone wanting to return to Cuba for another round…while we retired for good in a style to which we would like to become accustomed…thus showing our Cuban friends how well the free enterprise system can really work.

We can’t think of a better way to improve Cuban-American relations other than perhaps making a private “rendition” deal with the Castro regime… that is, we turn Guantanamo over to them if they agree to take care of the prisoners there…for us. A win-win proposition…the Castros make a few bucks…the bad guys remain locked up… while we cut the costs of doing it ourselves, and, no longer have to worry about those “human rights” issues involved.

Well, we hope the President has a good time there. Brief as his visit might be the very fact he’s gone there is another way of saying…Viva Cuba Libre…more or less. Our only questions for him when he comes home will be…how much of a cigar load were you able to haul on Air Force One, Mr. President…and…was there enough room onboard left over for that missing cruise missile of ours still stashed in Havana?

CENTURION